Bottom of the Bottle


I remember when I was younger and my dad was still working how we’d take off his boots and serve him dinner on a tray after his shower. I would be so happy that he was home. Depending on how much leisure time he’d have he would take a few swigs of Seagrams gin then tuck the bottle away beneath his favorite chair.

One day I got curious of what was in the bottle and quietly snuck the bottle in the bathroom to take a whiff of the beverage. I’m pretty sure it burned my nose hairs and certainly didn’t smell like anything I’d wanted to drink so I put it back where it belong and went about my way.

At 25 years old I had my first drink. Over time I started drinking light beers and daiquiris but no real hard liquor except for the initiation shots of ever clear me and my friends would take for fun. I had my first hangover in 2010 and blacked out from drinking too much about a month ago. I noticed progressively over the years I’d started to drink more and more. I believe I really started to increase my drinking after moving to San Diego. I met a friend that would always encourage more shots, more gin, more beer and more happy hours. And after two years of indulging so much my tolerance for alcohol became incredibly high. I was stocking my place with beer, wine and…gin. I never could get into vodka but for some reason gin was my hard liquor of choice. If someone had told me I’d drink dirty gin martinis someday I would have thought they were crazy. Little did I know I’d be starting off with Long Island Iced Teas and to be honest I can do about 4 of those in one night and still top it with a beer. ”

I like beer and that’s usually my go to when I don’t want anything else. But boy did it pile on the pounds. I could without a problem knock out a six pack within 6 or less hours. July of last year after my trip from Philadelphia I decided to longer stock beer at home. I lost 9 lbs almost instantly. I also at some point decided to not drink so much gin and gradually stopped stocking it as well. The remaining drink that was continously being stocked was wine. Wine isn’t so bad but when you can knock out an entire big bottle of chardonnay in one sitting that might be a sign of some not so good news.
I was drinking an entire bottle of wine at least every two days or so. I completely filled up this glass vase with corks.

I was getting tore up off wine alone. One night I had a couple glasses of wine and walked to my friends house a couple blocks away. Once I arrived I had more wine and maybe a beer. His cousin and some other friends showed up with some captain morgan and I don’t know how much but I’m sure I had some of that too. We then brought the party back to my place which was only two people. We continued to drink.

Next thing I know my alarm was going off for work and my bathroom light was on. It kinda freaked me out. I thought someone was in my place but nope not a sole. The scary part initially was I remembered nothing from the night before. I didn’t remember going to see my friend or them coming over. Scared the crap out of me. I started to think even though I’d cut back significantly I was still drinking too much. Certainly too much to the point of blacking out. I started to think….

Why am I drinking so much? What’s going on? What is it that I’m looking for? What is making me so unhappy that I indulge until I forget about reality? Well from experience I can tell you my answer is not in the bottom of those bottles. Because if they were I would have found them by now.





One Comment on “Bottom of the Bottle”

  1. Talulazoeapple June 8, 2015 at 2:43 am #

    I am glad you are okay and on one tried anything with you. Loneliness is a son of a gun especially when you are away from family. It shows up in the strangest behavior, like drinking. I am getting into my morning prayer/meditation. It has brought a lot of needed clarity. Praying for you.

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