Well first let me say I only stayed off twitter 3 days before I was bullied into coming back on by one of my followers. Then my attempt to end things with “DC” was a fail. After first ignoring his call and then sending him a text about how I felt about ending it all we had a deep and eye-opening conversation. Basically he hadn’t really been taking me seriously ALL THIS TIME and after our talk. I have an idea why.
All of my life I have experienced love. LOVING PARENTS, LOVING SIBLINGS, FRIENDS, FAMILY, co-workers, ex-boyfriends, peers, pets and even an ex-husband. That’s the one thing that I know I have definitely experienced in this life time without a doubt. I could give credit to luck or God but in this case with the exception of family I would like to take credit for a lot of this. As far as I can remember I have never had a problem with removing bad people, situations or “potentially” bad people and or situations from my life. When things are not looking good. I take flight. Some may argue and I may to a point agree this is not always the best way to handle a situation. But so far it has been a key element to my happiness leaving mostly positive surroundings despite the inevitable loss of loved ones. And even with that I love them no less, in fact I might love them more.
Let’s just say after a conversation with “DC” I learned a few things about myself. First I am the very selfish child my parents allowed me to be. I was the baby and we all know how that goes. But when it comes to love I’ve always experienced it always had it around and never felt there was a lack thereof so therefore no need to be selfish with it. I take and give love freely it’s almost like breathing in a sense but rarely have I had to give more love and receive less. This has been the case lately in my current romantic relationship but I didn’t understand why. Can’t even say if I cared to know why I just knew it wasn’t what I was use to and it was making me uncomfortable. I never considered maybe his love cup was half full or damn near empty. After talking things over, I felt quite selfish but this time it bothered me.
I can probably identify everyone’s purpose in my life, why God was so kind as to place them in my path but I don’t guess I ever considered what role I could have been chosen to play in someone else’s life who may not necessarily have all this love to give. But I on the other hand have lots and lots of it. I’ve pondered before how in the hell did I get involved with a man who lives 2000 + miles away. And definitely in the last year I’ve questioned why in the hell am I still talking to him when he’s not fulfilling me emotionally. The other night I think I got my answer with a confirmation. After telling my friend “I need more” I totally expected her to support me. Nope she said “well maybe you’re what he needs”. That was a long pause-slap-in-the-face-eye-opener. She was right.
After that night if “DC” and I never become anything else he has definitely found a friend. All this time I’ve been complaining of not receiving MORE LOVE when I’ve experienced nothing but all my life. I should be grateful and giving even if I don’t necessarily receive all that I want instead. I invite him to drink from my love cup. But like they say, “you can lead a whore to church but you can’t make her pray”. Hugs & Kisses……We’ll see, this is new to me.
Go
SincerelyGo
